It appears the key to success at this tournament is not playing rugby in the Northern Hemisphere.

Argentina ended up pulverising a weakened Irish team, [1] South Africa edged past a passionate Welsh team, the All Blacks utterly decimated the French, [2] and Scotland was robbed by a last-minute Australian penalty and a South African referee. Given recent history, I was too nervous to watch the ABs/French match at Malthouse. As it turns out, I would have had a wonderful time revelling in their surrender and cheese eating.

The same could not be said for the Scotland match I viewed from the Couch of Solitude on the Mean Streets of Thorndon. At half time, I was ecstatic with my beloved Scotland in the lead and my signature “missy missy chocolate fishy” chant ensuring Australia missed every kick in the first half.

Then, Australia came back and the match ended with a decision so dodgy that even the IRB admitted it was wrong which caused me to utter words that should not be spoken even by Satan himself while sitting on the toilet. [3] It turns out Colin the Handsome yet Softly Spoken Scottish Proprietor was right not to open for this particular match.

Malthouse will be open for the semi finals and the final. The first match will be the mighty All Blacks versus old rivals South Africa at 4am on Sunday morning. Many of us remember the 1995 tournament which cemented Jonah Lomu as a true legend of the game, helped unite a divided host nation, and unfortunately spawned a movie where someone thought Matt Damon could be convincing as a massive Springbok loose forward. [4] Hopefully this year there will be a happy ending.

The second semi-final is the surprising Argentina against the lucky Australians. Malthouse will be screening this match at 5am on Monday which is of course a public holiday. Now, I usually work through Labour Day in order to justify taking “Wrestlemania Day” off but I may need to make an exception this year. The hardest decision will be who to support – the easiest decision will be to order bacon sandwiches at Malthouse and lots of them.

My pick – New Zealand beats Australia in the final. Sooner or later, Oz will have to play Quade Cooper and that man is just terrible. He could lose a running backwards contest against the Italian army. This tournament has helped me rediscover the joys of watching rugby with a crowd at a fine bar. It has also deeply annoyed people I like to annoy (I’m looking at you University of Otago) which is simply an added bonus. Celebrate Labour Day with a 6am pint – now that is a cause worth fighting for.

As a further act of rugby-related defiance, I have decided to profile some new BrewDog beers which have arrived from our favourite Scottish lunatics. It is only a matter of time until Yeastie Boy Stu McKinlay appears on social media wearing a bright turquoise kilt at their brewery. I’m not sure who thought letting him and the BrewDog’s get together was a wise idea but the results are bound to be outrageous, stupid, delicious or some combination of all three.

Malthouse has managed to procure a dozen of three extremely limited BrewDog beers. BrewDog Dog B is your run of the mill 15.1% Imperial Stout brewed with copious amounts of dark malts, Rio Caribe cocoa nibs, Sertao Carmo de Minas coffee and naga chillies. It is also been released as AB.04 and, for some reason, Dog A.

BrewDog Dog C is the next year’s version of the same beer which the brewers describe as “like eating chocolate ice cream and drinking cognac in a leather armchair. It’s like Darth Vader – powerful yet restrained.” [5] BrewDog D is the latest version of this massive beer which is brewed to commemorate each BrewDog anniversary. A true dark beer fan will be unable to resist a vertical tasting of BrewDog B, C and D. Three pieces of advice though – bring friends, bring money and don’t bring the car.

On 31 October, Malthouse will be celebrating the made up holiday of Halloween which is experiencing a baffling renaissance in popularity. It was a probably pagan festival which then got appropriated by Christianity who in turn lost it to costume rental stores. There are a number of traditions, including fancy dress, carving pumpkins, [6] and trick or treating. Clearly we do not allow trick or treating in the fancy streets of Thorndon but this institutionalised begging has achieved popularity and/or notoriety in less affluent areas such as Tawa, Riccarton or Remuera.

Colin the Handsome yet Softly Spoken Scottish Proprietor is well known for his love of dressing up in costumes and making his staff do the same. Some, like Ciaran, need no prompting to don denim overalls with no shirt, or some very tight German leather pants. Colin is currently dressed as “guy on crutches” and is very committed to the role.

The end result is that Malthouse is hosting a Halloween fancy dress party on 31 October and then staying open for the Rugby World Cup final. There will be new beers from Renaissance, [7] Wild and Woolly, [8] and Hop Hustlers. The thought of a horde skeletons, zombies and ghouls cheering wildly for the rugby at breakfast time has a certain appeal. It certainly could freak out any early morning rugby fans thinking they had got the date wrong for the Sevens..

Finally, Malthouse will be launching their Hunt for the Red October red beer on 29 October at 7pm.

Next time, we drink to Gavin Hastings. A Scottish rugby legend and a man I am proud to have run onto Athletic Park in order to be the first to shake his hand after the Lions beat the All Blacks. I do not run very often.


[1] While Malthouse hosts a fine rugby watching experience, there is nothing quite like the video of approximately 3,558 people at D4 singing the “We all need a team of Sean O’Brien’s” song to the tune of “Yellow Submarine” at the last World Cup. It turns out, they really did need him this time.
[2] The best meme (so far) reads “three Frenchmen were run over by a bus. Their injuries are described as Savea.” To explain, Julian Savea’s nickname is “The Bus” but I simply refer to him as “Mr Savea“.
[3] Thank you Kent Brockman.

[4] Spoiler Alert: He was not. (“Matt Damon!“)

[5] Given that Darth Vader killed a whole pile of younglings, blew up a planet to make a political point and chopped his son’s hand off, their definition of “restrained” may differ from yours.
[6] Which is less of waste than making a stupid pumpkin ale.
[7] No strangers to dressing up themselves.
[8] A dead ringer for Daniel Bryan.

Cheers

Neil Miller
Beer Writer
Beer and Brewer Magazine
Cuisine Magazine
TheShout Magazine
New Zealand Liquor News Magazine

Links

Team of Sean O’Brien’s – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPuxbFP0_WA
All Blacks vs South Africa at Malthouse – https://www.facebook.com/events/555419121273922/
Argentina vs Australia at Malthouse – https://www.facebook.com/events/688136297988366/
Malthouse Hunt for the Red October page – https://www.facebook.com/events/920993727981921/
Malthouse Facebook – www.facebook.com/pages/Malthouse/7084276173
Malthouse Twitter – www.twitter.com/#!/malthouse
Malthouse Taps on Twitter – www.twitter.com/#!/MalthouseTaps
Neil Miller on Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/#!/beerlytweeting