76. Best Small Bar in New Zealand according to the judges in the Beer and Brewer Awards 2010 and 2011.
77. The bar ceiling is a talking point as in “where is the ceiling?” and “did they run out of money to put in a ceiling?”
78. Fish are a surprisingly common sight in Malthouse.
79. People with large skateboards are allowed in provided they behave.
80. Near the major movie theatres if you need a couple of quick pints before enduring the latest cinematic trainwreck with Ashton Kutcher and Julia Roberts in it.
81. Much older than Ye Olde Malthouse in Blenheim.
82. Malthouse is on Foursquare and the current Mayor is Nick K.
83. Host of the legendary Malthouse Beer Imbibers Association (MBIA). [1]
84. Always have a couple of fresh copies of the Dominion Post, despite it’s journalistic fails surrounding Fork & Brewer and Epic LarGer.
85. People sitting outside momentarily get free Wi-Fi when the Airport Flyer buses are stopped at the lights. [2]
86. Cornerstone venue for the Wild About Wellington Boutique Beer Tour which was named one of the fifteen coolest short tours in New Zealand.
87. Danny Wallace, British writer and actor, once tweeted his 105,000 followers about a beer tasting he did in Malthouse.
88. Two dipping sauces for the fries.
89. If beer drank beer, it would drink at Malthouse.
90. If Chuck Norris ever came to Wellington, he would almost certainly drink at Malthouse.
91. Chuck Norris would definitely drink beer.
92. The soft drinks come cute tiny little cans
93. A wide range of beer styles and colours regularly on display behind the taps.
94. A wide range of check, plaid and/or houndstooth regularly on display behind the taps.
95. Something in the air keeps out the worst of the Courtenay Place types.
96. Staff know how to pour a bottle conditioned beer but are quite happy to let you do it.
97. Pizza dough is made on the premises.
98. Lots of recycling – principally glass, cardboard and that picture of Colin dressed up as a beer fraulein which comes out every Octoberfest.
99. Malthouse Mondays.
100. Blanket Man’s bottom is rarely visible from the outdoor area.
101. March Madness.
102. Vegetarians are not only tolerated but actually catered for.
103. Heaters are more than strong enough to warm up even a skinny Scottish person.
104. Home of the recently expanded West Coast IPA Challenge.
105. Gluten-free and organic beers are available.
106. Full off-licence facilities – including the ability to pour riggers of tap beer.
107. A selection of beers at room temperature for customers – generally of an English persuasion – who are loudly and persistently adamant the beer is served far too cold in the Colonies.
108. Floyd the photogenic plastic dinosaur is a regular.
109. Those stupid lip-shaped urinals have not returned.
110. The first ever barrels of Epic Journey were tapped fresh off the ferry at Malthouse.
111. Venue hire, functions and bookings are available.
112. Regular host of Wellington home brew competitions.
113. Empty bottles of Sam Adams Utopias so you can at least smell what was briefly the strongest beer in the world.
114. Dancing is thankfully rare but has been known to happen.
115. Having a bouncer is the exception rather than the rule but is sometimes necessary.
116. Fully stocked spirits selection.
117. Fancy cocktails available on request.
118. Padded walls for your comfort and safety.
119. Blackboards for your information and convenience.
120. Malthouse Classic – A pizza designed for the indecisive.
121. Gordon Ramsay taught all Malthouse staff by Skype how to cut lemons and limes to utter perfection.
122. Gordon Ramsay’s Skype account suspended for inappropriate language.
123. The Anti-Donkey Defamation League considers litigation against Chef Ramsay for “hurtful” and “untrue” stereotypes. [3]
124. People are more likely than most venues to appreciate your incredibly rare beer t-shirt or polo shirt.
125. They may also understand the one with the joke about computer programming.
126. Ugly Bread. Omnomnomnom.
127. Even Andrew Williams should be able to safely find the bathrooms.
128. There is no huge flight of stairs to struggle up.
129. There is no huge flight of stairs to fall down.
130. Home to a unique piece of Toast Art by local man about town and renowned artist Maurice Bennett.
131. Serves Pauwel Kwak in the proper mini-yard glass so remember to turn the vessel as you get close to the bubble.
132. No cover charge ever
133. Once assembled a collection of the country’s best brewers for a “ask the brewer anything” evening.
134. Hosted the Epic LARGER Launch which well and truly lived up to its name.
135. Best Beer List in New Zealand according to the judges in the Beer and Brewer Awards 2011.
136. The beer list is so darn good a couple of other venues have started using it as their own – they have had “The Word” [4].
137. Pop art in the bathrooms for a little culture.
138. Comfortable couches and eccentric carpet in the Lounge.
139. Telling people you want the three mushroom pizza because you consider yourself a “fun guy” is always funny.
140. Long-term and consistent supporter of small Kiwi breweries.
141. Regular haunt of Adam Page – Saxophone Adonis and Owner of the Best Beard in Wellington.
142. People generally ask before they take a chair from your table.
143. Regular appearances from those anarchic Brew Dog beers.
144. No surcharge on Public Holidays.
145. An extensive cellar selection of carefully aged beers.
146. The Modus Hoperandus or Hopinator: this strange piece of equipment can hold any number of ingredients – including, but not limited to, hops, fruit, coffee and spices – to add last minute aroma and flavour to any beer.
147. The worst suggestion ever received for the Hopinator was to run a smoked porter over raw bacon.
148. However, the lampshades are said to resemble streaky bacon in appearance if not flavour.
149. We have posted 150 blogs over the last 3 years. I am even more surprised than you.[5].
150. The fact that there are 150 Totally Valid Reasons to visit Malthouse.
Next week – normal service resumes.
[1] Or should that be mythical these days?
[2] This should still be more than enough time to download all the good songs by Celine Dion.
[3] I would rather watch a donkey attempt to cook than Peta Mathais.
[4] The exact word is not known.
[5] Yes, I’m sure you are awfully surprised but trust me I am more. This footnote is even more of a homage to Pete Brown than usual.
Cheers
Real Beer New Zealand
Beer and Brewer Magazine
Links
Malthouse Facebook – www.facebook.com/pages/Malthouse/7084276173
Malthouse Twitter – www.twitter.com/#!/malthouse
Malthouse Taps on Twitter – www.twitter.com/#!/MalthouseTaps
Neil Miller on Twitter – www.twitter.com/#beerlytweeting
Real Beer – www.realbeer.co.nz
Beer and Brewer Magazine – www.beerandbrewer.com/