The day I am talking about is Super Bowl Sunday which, in New Zealand, is Super Bowl Monday. This year it is a public holiday because Waitangi Day is actually Saturday. Apparently, we are unable to celebrate out national day without getting some paid time off work. Obviously, this does not apply to business owners and the self-employed. I’ll be celebrating it in my own unique way – at the Wellington Stadium watching New Zealand thrash Australia at cricket while holding a “David Warner Likes Nickelback” sign. [1]

As is traditional I am taking Super Bowl Monday off. I love the pageantry, the human games of chess, the bacon sandwiches and the chicken wings. Oh, and millionaires beating the crap out of each other. In a rare piece of research, I can reveal that more chicken wings are eaten in America during the Super Bowl than any other day of the year. Let’s remember, the USA includes the South and they really, really like their chicken wings. [2]

I too have a fondness for chicken wings. You could say they are my one weakness, my Achilles Heel, if you will. However, that statement is unlikely that will fool anyone. My list of weaknesses would be the size of the Yellow Pages if I still knew anyone that actually owned the Yellow Pages. [3] I’m a Luddite – but not that much of a Luddite. Monday is a milestone in American Football (or Gridiron) because it is Super Bowl 50. Yes, fifty years of the most expensive advertisements in the history of the world. And some football…

I am torn about who to support this year. On the one hand you have the Carolina Panthers who are about as boring as listening to the Speaking Clock read you the Yellow Pages. On the other hand you have the Denver Broncos who, it cannot be denied, are the Denver Broncos. [4] Usually I decide which Super Bowl team to support by finding out which side my friend James is supporting and then go for the other team. I use the same theory for many sports. Sadly, he is yet to declare an allegiance leaving me on my own.

This year, I’m going with the Broncos because a) I love the Brisbane Broncos (NRL side), 2) Peyton Manning is pretty funny on SportsCentre and 3) I get to yell “picture of a horse – 10 points for me” every time their uniform appears on screen. Malthouse will be open early (noon) on Monday to show the game on the big and medium sized screens. Bacon sandwiches, chicken wings and craft beer will of course be available. In the interests of full disclosure, I should warn delicate readers that Coldplay will be playing during the famous half time show. [5] Fortunately, there are many fine ales to dull the pain… I recommend Tactical Nuclear Penguin.

With sports out of the way it is time to turn to culture. One of my beer (and sideburn) mentors is Neil McInnes who was a beer writer before it was fashionable and has worked at virtually every Government Department invented. He is “Neil One” for a reason. My biggest fear when chopping off my sideburns this year was that I would be letting him down, but then his mutton chops have always been way better than mine. Next week, he celebrates 20 years of Beer Club at Malthouse with a very special tasting. [6]

On Wednesday 10 February 2016 at 7pm, Malty is “celebrating 20 years of the Malthouse Beer Club, with a tasting led by our benevolent [7] Beer Club leader and stalwart, Neil McInnes (who has been with us for the entire 20 years)! It’s $30 per person, and not only will you receive a line up of five 250ml tasters fresh from the taps, Malthouse card holders get will get 3x the Malty card points on their Beers Club tickets. If you’re not a Malthouse card holder, and wish to join this esteemed affiliation, drop tools and get one quick to take advantage of the triple points! Email Ciaran at: Ciaran @ – but do so before Monday 8 February, so he can hook you up with your card.” Hey, that’s Super Bowl Monday – you could do both at the same time!

Mr McInnes (that’s what I call him as a close personal friend) is erudite, witty and informative. I’d recommend this landmark tasting to everyone. I may even be there – unless David Warner is still hunting me for the Nickelback sign at the cricket.

So far this blog has covered sports and culture so it is time to move to romance… LADIES. [8] Valentine’s Day is 14 February, as it is every year. Malthouse will be hosting the annual relaunch of Funk Estate Super Afrodisiac (8%), an Imperial Stout with a whole swag load of additional and exotic ingredients. These do not include photos of Shiggy (one of the brewers) in a dress. That is pretty much just him… Google it.

Ciaran, the bearded, beautiful and bonerific Unit Manager has asked me to stress that, in addition to the silky soft Funk Estate beer on Valentine’s Day, there will be a food menu “for all those Wellingtonian couples needing an extra umph [9] on the day or romance… Let’s get the town shagging!” [10] Most reputable betting agencies have my Valentine’s Night involving “some quality time with Rocky the Rubber Duck and almost certainly something Star Wars related.” They are probably onto something there.

Finally, keep an eye out for Tuatara Sauvinova (hot), Fork Brewing Shadow Majestic (dark) and Fork Brewing Base Isolator (omnomnom).  There is also Kriek Boon (you are welcome to it, mate).

Next time, we drink to boiling sausages in beer, then grilling them and also making a beer and cheese sauce for the hot dog. Because that just looks so amazing… All my current lunch options are now invalid.

[1] It is the most offensive thing I could come up with though there are unconfirmed reports I’ve sung Nickelback songs in the past. To be fair, that’s about the worst thing that could happen to them… 

[2] The title of this blog is, ironically, from a South Park song about a Canadian ice skater who won something at the Olympics with a “triple cow”. Sounds like he should move to Hamilton… [Disclaimer: May not be the actual term for jumping around on the ice in sequins…]

[3] For my Canadian and Swedish audiences, the Yellow Pages is a telephone number directory printed on dead trees. 

[4] Homer Simpson: “Awwww… the Denver Broncos…”

[5] The late David Bowie turned down doing a song with Coldplay because – and I quote – he believed it “sucked.” 

[6] First Rule of Beer Club: You go on and on about Beer Club until someone says “hey, let’s watch Coldplay.” Then you punch them.

[7] Your experience may vary.

[8] Comedian Dmitri Martin once posited that every sentence in the English language could be made creepy by pausing and adding (in a deep voice) “LADIES” at the end. He was right. 

[9] This is Irish for “tender love making”.

[10] This is also Irish for “tender love making.” It is a complicated language.


Neil Miller
Beer Writer
Beer and Brewer Magazine
Cuisine Magazine
TheShout Magazine
New Zealand Liquor News Magazine


20 Years of Neil McInnes Awesomenosity

Those beer cooked sausage and cheese… ah cheese… my one weakness

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