Unfortunately for me, Colin the Handsome Yet Softly Spoken Scottish Proprietor had a great idea – he challenged me to come up with one hundred reasons why people should visit Malthouse and drink a beer.

Here we go:

1. The largest beer selection in New Zealand
2. Knowledgeable and friendly bar staff
3. A better class of customer, frankly (particularly for the Courtenay Precinct)
4. Full off-license sales now available including tap beers
5. If Chuck Norris ever came to Wellington, he would almost certainly drink at Malthouse
6. The Modus Hopperandus – This clever device can hold a range of exotic ingredients in order to provide late aroma and flavour to any beer
7. The Book – This 20-page tome describes dozens of the Malthouse’s ever-changing range of beers.  It is out-of-date within moments of being printed
8. Right in the heart of Wellington’s Party Central
9. Always looking to support the country’s small craft breweries
10. Best Beer Venue in New Zealand 2011 – Beer and Brewer Magazine
11. One of the best spots in Wellington to view Stu’s Most Famous Trousers
12. Cellar selection of special aged beers
13. Relatively normal during The Sevens with the key word being “relatively”
14. There are probably valuable antiques and rare fossils buried under the stuff in the cunningly concealed storage cupboard
15. The first Malthouse Oktoberfest was a huge event and likely to be repeated next year
16. Lots of little hooks to hang up bags and coats
17. The legendary Ugly Bread done extra crispy
18. The magnificent calligraphy on the blackboards which helps keep people up-to-date with the latest selections and specials
19. Cornerstone of the Wild about Wellington Boutique Beer Tour (selected as one of New Zealand’s Top Fifteen Coolest Short Tours by Air New Zealand’s Kia Ora magazine)
20. The handsomest bouncer in the whole city
21. Reasonable chance to meet famous brewers, beer writers, politicians and dancers
22. Small samples to let customers try something new before they buy
23. Taxi rank right outside the door
24. Scene of many beer launches and special events
25. Host of the legendary Malthouse Beer Imbibers Association (MBIA)
26. Not one but two ladders (which are for staff use only)
27. Best chance of getting a Tuatara APA because Malthouse is a shareholder in the brewery
28. Throws a mean birthday party – both for themselves and for others
29. Very few people walk in and say “I have tried all the beers on offer today”
30. Free wi-fi access – but it is polite to buy at least a coffee.  I’m looking at you Mr European Backpacker Guy who has been there for three hours…
31. The bar ceiling is a talking point as in “where is the ceiling?” and “did they run out of money to put in a ceiling”
32. A weekly blog which has – probably to everyone’s surprise – appeared pretty much every week
33. Excellent keg management and rotation policies
34. Stylish Malthouse t-shirts and caps are for sale
35. Colin the Handsome Yet Softly Spoken Scotsman runs the show very smoothly
36. Beer clean glasses
37. Distinctly un-dodgy atmosphere
38. A rare bottle of “Helen Clark’s Bitter” in the cabinet
39. Innovative outside area for sun-worshippers and smokers.  So good it seems to have inspired others to follow suit…
40. Competitive pricing on craft beers
41. Much better than Malthouse in Christchurch which shows children’s plays
42. Eclectic music selection including occasional country and western Sundays
43. Stylish yet comfortable couches in the Lounge
44. Scottish-strength heaters for those occasional cold Wellington days
45. The architecture has been described as “a good mix of minimalist at the front and loungey at the back”
46. Regular Wellington home-brewing competitions – the last placed home brewer gets to pick the next style
47. Located on a busy bus route
48. An exclusive piece of toast art from “The Toastman” Maurice Bennett
49. Televisions are only turned on if there is something worth watching
50. No more ludicrous lip shaped urinals in the male toilets
51. There is a DJ station but fortunately very rarely a DJ in it
52. Recognised by the Society of Beer Advocates as a pub which serves quality beer
53. Canada’s best oompah-pah band have played a gig there
54. Lady Gaga has never played a gig there, thankfully
55. Large range of speciality beer glasses so that the world can see what you are drinking
56. The on-line New Zealand tourism guide calls Malthouse “iconic”
57. Competitions – the first person to email the 100th word of this article (not including the title but including numbers) to 100@themalthouse.co.nz wins a publican’s prize
58. The Obscenely Expensive Carpet in the Lounge area
59. @malthouse – hundreds of tweets of wisdom
60. Saint George’s Day – The start of a new hospitality tradition
61. A surprisingly good little wine list
62. Six fridges set at different temperatures to ensure each beer is at its best
63. Blanket Man Free Zone
64. Dominating Facebook with 769 people ‘liking’ the official page
65. Beer glasses with Christmas message, albeit Christmas 2009 message
66. The Annual West Coast IPA Challenge – Epic’s Luke “The Impish Brewer” Nicholas hop battles Hallertau’s Steve “The Sensual Brewer” Plowman
67. A ban on air guitar – This may have been inspired by the Impish Brewer at the previous West Coast Challenge
68. Much better than the Malt House in Auckland which is a Stella bar
69. Two traditional style hand-pumps to dispense beer in the traditional manner
70. Proudly Nuclear-Free
71. Customers can request any song they like.  It may even get played occasionally
72. Colin’s paisley shirt collection gives an insight into what was briefly fashionable in 1971
73. Fully stocked spirits bar and cocktail making capability
74. Opportunity to purchase exclusive Malthouse glasses, pens and bottle openers
75. Open from noon Wednesday to Sunday
76. Can serve Pauwel Kwak in the proper little mini-yard glass
77. The Oktoberfest picture of Colin as a German fraulein was the best piece of Photoshopping since the 2002 election pledge card
78. Pizzas – Hot from the oven and perfect to share
79. Selection of magazines and newsletter, some of which may even be relatively recent
80. Hours arguing whether the bearded staff members are wearing check, plaid or houndstooth shirts
81. A selection of beers at room temperature for customers of an English persuasion who are loudly adamant the beer is far too cold here
82. First bar in New Zealand to get Cooper’s on tap
83. The Aeroplan Arrival website says Malthouse is The Best Place on Earth to “tie one on with the locals”
84. Empty bottles of Sam Adams Utopias so you can at least smell what was briefly the strongest beer in the world
85. Full bottles of Sam Adams Utopias so you can at least drink what was briefly the strongest beer in the world                              86. Staff know how to pour a bottle conditioned beer or are quite happy to let you do it
87. Recently hosted a plethora of bloggers and political types to watch the British general election and the American mid-term elections
88. A bottle of the rare beauty that is “Santa Fe Lager” is in the display cabinet
89. Vegetarians are pandered to with a range of non-meat food available
90. Soft drinks, low-alcohol beer and food always available as you would expect from a Responsible Host
91. If beer drank beer, it would drink at Malthouse
92. The soft drinks come cute tiny little cans
93. Venue hire and table bookings are available
94. Located in the heart of the famous Wellington Kebab Quadrangle
95. People sitting outside can momentarily get free wi-fi from some buses stopped at the lights
96. Complimentary Malthouse bar coasters can be used as emergency Secret Santa gifts
97. The fries come with not one but two dipping sauces
98. Sol beer is available … if you really, really want it
99. People generally ask before they take a chair from your table
100. It is over two years until Blog #200 when I have to do another list like this.


Beer Writer
Real Beer New Zealand
Beer and Brewer Magazine


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